When people are not able to have children of their own, biologically, they may resort to child adoption. Also, there may be other people who adopt children who have been neglected or are orphan, just so they can provide them with a family that is helpful and affectionate. Regardless of the reason behind adoptions, it is not a decision to be taken lightly and needs to be carefully thought about.
Are You Ready To Adopt?
When you adopt children, you assume the liabilities for them, which besides giving you legal rights also makes you the legal parent. You are then fully responsible for the emotional and physical well-being of the child. Whether you are a couple or assume such a responsibility as an individual, it makes it incumbent on you to ensure that you're ready for this. Before you decide, you need to also make sure that you're financially and mentally capable of bringing up the child.
Child adoption is a process that can take a long time and prove discouraging at times. Many regulations and rules have to be taken into consideration. It is a process that can also prove draining, both financially and mentally. You, therefore, need to prepare yourself so that you can take on all the difficulties that the process of adoption will bring.
Child Adoption And the Law
Every state has its own laws governing adoptions. Learn about the ones in your own state before you start the process, as well as the ones in the state from which you intend to adopt. This will enable you to see that you comply with laws in both states. If the adoption is from another country than the US, the complications just get aggravated. You will have to look at the laws and rules in the country you are adopting from, as well as ensure that you have complied with those of the state and federal laws in the United States.
Adoption can be done in a number of ways. Find an adoption attorney or look at public and private agencies that do arrange adoption. In the United States, it is also possible to look at adopting children through the foster care system.
The judge's consent in a court is a must for child adoption to be settled. The judge bases his or her decision on the permission given by the birth parents, and also auditing information about both the child and the prospective adoptive parents. This at times may involve a home study process.
The Challenges Of Adoptive Parents
As a new parent you will face the challenge of having the youngster accept their new family and home. At some point you will also need to inform the child about being adopted and part with information about his/her natural parents. These children, quite often have particular emotional and physical requirements, which the adoptive parents need to provide for. That's another challenge you - as adoptive parent - you will have to deal with.
The decision to adopt a child can be difficult to make as a parent, but it ultimately brings a lot of bliss and satisfaction to adoptive parents. The child in turn, is assured a safe home with parents who are affectionate.
Rabu, 25 Oktober 2017
Selasa, 03 Oktober 2017
Attachment Problems in Foster and Adopted Children - What You Need to Know
John was a superficially charming fourteen-year-old lad with bright red hair and a ready smile. I met John soon after I began my first appointment as a Clinical Psychologist. John was a Ward of the State. He was referred to me because statutory social workers who were responsible for his care were concerned about his volatile and at-risk behaviours. John had made a number of suicidal gestures, was often AWOL from the facility at which he resided and was known to abuse substances. John was also suspected of being involved in child prostitution.
I had never before met anyone like John and was not entirely sure what to do with him. Though I did not know it at the time, I had received my first referral of an "attachment-disordered" youth. My next step was also my first in a career specialisation in the diagnosis and treatment of attachment-disordered children.
I read a book. It was Richard Delaney's Fostering Changes. This was my first introduction to the world of the attachment-disordered child, and in particular, their world view. I discovered that attachment-disordered children do not see themselves, others and the world in which we live as we, who were blessed with accessible, understanding, responsive and attuned parents, see the world. Rather, they predominantly see themselves as bad and unlovable, others as mean and uncaring, and the world as a harsh and threatening place.
I then began to wonder about what I had been taught during six years of training at university. I had never heard of attachment disorders in an academic environment dominated by behavioural and cognitive-behavioural theories and models of practice. And then one day it occurred to me that one of the most famous series of experiments in psychology, a series of experiments that informed academic and applied psychology for half a century, was directly relevant to the experience of the attachment-disordered child, and our understanding of them.
The series of experiments involved placing rats in a box that contained a lever-operated feeding Shute. Rats were exposed to one or another of three "learning conditions". Rats in the first condition received a food pellet each time they pressed the lever. Rats in the second condition received a food pellet inconsistently when they pressed the lever. Rats in the third condition never received a food pellet when they pressed the lever. Research has consistently shown that in these kinds of experiments, rats who receive a food pellet inconsistently press the lever at the highest rate and the most persistently, whereas those who never receive food pellets soon stop pressing the lever.
The relevance of this to attachment-disordered children is as follows. Attachment disorders are thought to develop in care environments akin to conditions two and three of the above experiments; that is, care that is inconsistent or largely absent. Like the rats in the experiments, attachment-disordered children exhibit high frequency and persistent attempts to gain access to basic needs provision. They also resort to unconventional methods of doing so. They are inordinately demanding, manipulative and self-reliant. They exhibit an apparent preoccupation with accessibility to basic needs provision.
So all you need to do is place the attachment-disordered child in a care environment where their basic human needs are responded to in a consistent manner and they will be less demanding, coercive and self-reliant? Right? Wrong! I soon noticed that attachment-disordered children continued to be demanding, coercive and self-reliant in foster care (and, later, in adoptive) placements where their needs were responded to in a more consistent and predictable manner. Did they not understand that they no longer needed to be so preoccupied and controlling? This question is only partly answered by the finding that rats who receive food inconsistently are slow to learn when the condition under which food is provided changes.
The next step in my professional development involved understanding the effect of inconsistent needs provision on the developing brain and coincided with the birth of my eldest child. My son was a small baby who demand fed and had early difficulties suckling. Across his first year he was slow to settle to sleep and, once my wife returned to paid employment, he experienced recurrent bouts of tonsillitis in association with time spent in childcare. Whether due to feeding difficulties, sleeping difficulties or illness, he regularly became distressed and required attentive, creative and loving care to ensure that he (and us) was happy most of the time.
So what about infants who do not receive attentive, creative and loving care when they are distressed? The work of Bruce Perry and his colleagues revealed to me what was likely to be happening to the developing infant brain under conditions of recurrent, persistent and unresolved emotional distress. This latter part of my professional journey has spanned more than fourteen years and along the way I have learnt the following:
That children who were frequently distressed and inconsistently soothed during infancy are prone to feeling overwhelmed and the activation of our in-built coping mechanism for managing the source of these feelings: the fight-flight-freeze response;
That the fight-flight-freeze response occurs when there is reduced blood flow to the parts of the brain that control logical thinking and effective action and increased blood flow to the parts of the brain that control instinctive, survival responses;
That many aberrant behaviours exhibited by children are associated with partial or full activation of the fight-flight-freeze response, including controlling, aggressive and oppositional behaviours (fight), running and hiding (flight), and withdrawn and uncommunicative behaviour (freeze);
That behaviours associated with the fight-flight-freeze response are only partly volitional or totally non-volitional, depending on the child's level of distress;
That the way in which adults in a caregiving role respond to these behaviours either escalates (disciplinary response) or de-escalates (calming response) these behaviours; and
That their history of inconsistent, abusive and/or frightening care ensures that attachment-disordered children are particularly prone to feeling overwhelmed and associated fight-flight-freeze behaviours.
So, after several years of working closely with these children I understood that the essential characteristics of the attachment-disordered child are that they acknowledge and/or display behaviours that reflect the following:
Predominantly negative or pessimistic beliefs (attachment representations) about themselves, about others, about relating to others and about the world in which they live;
An enduring and all-encompassing preoccupation with accessibility to needs provision; and
Chronic susceptibility to feeling overwhelmed and the associated fight-flight-freeze response.
What next? Fortunately, my years of training had granted me one particular skill set: the ability to communicate empathy. Often referred to active listening or counselling skills, these involve observing and listening closely to the individual in front of you and communicating understanding of what is in their head and in their heart in our words and in our non-verbal expressions. And thanks to my earlier reading, I had some idea of what was in the mind and the heart of the attachment-disordered child. And so I started to say these things to them, and in doing so I was offering them an experience of their inner world being understood and validated that was akin to what an infant experiences when they are fed when they are hungry, changed when they are dirty and soothed when they are distressed. Further, I was offering them the experience that their opinions and feelings were understood and important, that people can be sensitive and kind, that relating to others can be a satisfying experience, and that the world may not be such a bad place after all. In short, I was beginning to change their attachment representations.
Not that it has all been smooth sailing! I vividly remember a worker from the local disability authority bringing an attachment-disordered lad to see me. She sat in our session and was exposed, perhaps for the first time, to focused and sustained acknowledgement of the lad's very negativistic view of all things. Whereas he warmed very quickly to the approach and spontaneously disclosed his heretofore very private (and deeply concerning) thoughts and feelings on a number of topics, she was horrified and sought to divert the session to a discussion of the lad's positive aspects. It occurred to me that if her approach worked there would have been no need to refer the lad to me. I already understood that you cannot convince a person about their positive attributes when the person does not believe their positive attributes to exist by simply telling them that they do. Any such attempt is easily dismissed by the attachment-disordered child and explains why they are typically unresponsive to praise. Rather, you need to make them feel positively about themselves first, and communicating understanding does just that. It also promotes verbal expression in the attachment-disordered child and reduces the likelihood of them acting out aspects of their inner world.
Oh, and I never saw the lad again.
Some time earlier I was on a home visit to a four-year-old child and his foster mother. I observed her to be a skilled and attentive caregiver. I observed him to be demanding and jealous of her attention being bestowed elsewhere. I heard about his intense separation anxiety and associated difficulties with settling to sleep in his own bed. It occurred to me that, no matter how diligently his foster mother responded to his requests and demands, he was not satisfied. Reflecting on his known history of neglect prior to his placement in foster care, it also occurred to me that he had never learnt that he could rely on adults in a caregiving role to understanding his needs and respond consistently to them. He was preoccupied with his needs and with controlling his caregiver in order to reassure himself that he could access needs provision. So how could we convince him that he did not have to be so preoccupied, so jealous and so demanding when his caregiver was forever responding to his demands for need provision? Well, I reflected on how an infant ordinarily learns this and concluded that his caregiver needed to anticipate his needs and respond to them before he did anything to make it so. When attachment-disordered children experience needs recognition and provision without doing anything to make it so, they begin to learn that they can rely on others and become less preoccupied with their needs.
Finally, although understanding and proactive caregiving are inherently soothing, it does not hurt to engage in direct measures to reduce an attachment-disordered child's propensity to feel overwhelmed. In caring for my own children as infants I observed the powerful effect of certain forms of classical music, played softly at bedtime, in facilitating a state of readiness to go to sleep. Certain research attributes to music a powerful role in promoting a state of calm readiness, whereupon we are more likely to perform at our best and less likely to feel overwhelmed by the challenges of the day. So how do we get the attachment-disordered child to listen to soothing classical music? The answer is to play it quietly in their bedroom while they sleep! They sleep more restfully, waken happier and better-tolerate the challenges of the day ahead.
I had never before met anyone like John and was not entirely sure what to do with him. Though I did not know it at the time, I had received my first referral of an "attachment-disordered" youth. My next step was also my first in a career specialisation in the diagnosis and treatment of attachment-disordered children.
I read a book. It was Richard Delaney's Fostering Changes. This was my first introduction to the world of the attachment-disordered child, and in particular, their world view. I discovered that attachment-disordered children do not see themselves, others and the world in which we live as we, who were blessed with accessible, understanding, responsive and attuned parents, see the world. Rather, they predominantly see themselves as bad and unlovable, others as mean and uncaring, and the world as a harsh and threatening place.
I then began to wonder about what I had been taught during six years of training at university. I had never heard of attachment disorders in an academic environment dominated by behavioural and cognitive-behavioural theories and models of practice. And then one day it occurred to me that one of the most famous series of experiments in psychology, a series of experiments that informed academic and applied psychology for half a century, was directly relevant to the experience of the attachment-disordered child, and our understanding of them.
The series of experiments involved placing rats in a box that contained a lever-operated feeding Shute. Rats were exposed to one or another of three "learning conditions". Rats in the first condition received a food pellet each time they pressed the lever. Rats in the second condition received a food pellet inconsistently when they pressed the lever. Rats in the third condition never received a food pellet when they pressed the lever. Research has consistently shown that in these kinds of experiments, rats who receive a food pellet inconsistently press the lever at the highest rate and the most persistently, whereas those who never receive food pellets soon stop pressing the lever.
The relevance of this to attachment-disordered children is as follows. Attachment disorders are thought to develop in care environments akin to conditions two and three of the above experiments; that is, care that is inconsistent or largely absent. Like the rats in the experiments, attachment-disordered children exhibit high frequency and persistent attempts to gain access to basic needs provision. They also resort to unconventional methods of doing so. They are inordinately demanding, manipulative and self-reliant. They exhibit an apparent preoccupation with accessibility to basic needs provision.
So all you need to do is place the attachment-disordered child in a care environment where their basic human needs are responded to in a consistent manner and they will be less demanding, coercive and self-reliant? Right? Wrong! I soon noticed that attachment-disordered children continued to be demanding, coercive and self-reliant in foster care (and, later, in adoptive) placements where their needs were responded to in a more consistent and predictable manner. Did they not understand that they no longer needed to be so preoccupied and controlling? This question is only partly answered by the finding that rats who receive food inconsistently are slow to learn when the condition under which food is provided changes.
The next step in my professional development involved understanding the effect of inconsistent needs provision on the developing brain and coincided with the birth of my eldest child. My son was a small baby who demand fed and had early difficulties suckling. Across his first year he was slow to settle to sleep and, once my wife returned to paid employment, he experienced recurrent bouts of tonsillitis in association with time spent in childcare. Whether due to feeding difficulties, sleeping difficulties or illness, he regularly became distressed and required attentive, creative and loving care to ensure that he (and us) was happy most of the time.
So what about infants who do not receive attentive, creative and loving care when they are distressed? The work of Bruce Perry and his colleagues revealed to me what was likely to be happening to the developing infant brain under conditions of recurrent, persistent and unresolved emotional distress. This latter part of my professional journey has spanned more than fourteen years and along the way I have learnt the following:
That children who were frequently distressed and inconsistently soothed during infancy are prone to feeling overwhelmed and the activation of our in-built coping mechanism for managing the source of these feelings: the fight-flight-freeze response;
That the fight-flight-freeze response occurs when there is reduced blood flow to the parts of the brain that control logical thinking and effective action and increased blood flow to the parts of the brain that control instinctive, survival responses;
That many aberrant behaviours exhibited by children are associated with partial or full activation of the fight-flight-freeze response, including controlling, aggressive and oppositional behaviours (fight), running and hiding (flight), and withdrawn and uncommunicative behaviour (freeze);
That behaviours associated with the fight-flight-freeze response are only partly volitional or totally non-volitional, depending on the child's level of distress;
That the way in which adults in a caregiving role respond to these behaviours either escalates (disciplinary response) or de-escalates (calming response) these behaviours; and
That their history of inconsistent, abusive and/or frightening care ensures that attachment-disordered children are particularly prone to feeling overwhelmed and associated fight-flight-freeze behaviours.
So, after several years of working closely with these children I understood that the essential characteristics of the attachment-disordered child are that they acknowledge and/or display behaviours that reflect the following:
Predominantly negative or pessimistic beliefs (attachment representations) about themselves, about others, about relating to others and about the world in which they live;
An enduring and all-encompassing preoccupation with accessibility to needs provision; and
Chronic susceptibility to feeling overwhelmed and the associated fight-flight-freeze response.
What next? Fortunately, my years of training had granted me one particular skill set: the ability to communicate empathy. Often referred to active listening or counselling skills, these involve observing and listening closely to the individual in front of you and communicating understanding of what is in their head and in their heart in our words and in our non-verbal expressions. And thanks to my earlier reading, I had some idea of what was in the mind and the heart of the attachment-disordered child. And so I started to say these things to them, and in doing so I was offering them an experience of their inner world being understood and validated that was akin to what an infant experiences when they are fed when they are hungry, changed when they are dirty and soothed when they are distressed. Further, I was offering them the experience that their opinions and feelings were understood and important, that people can be sensitive and kind, that relating to others can be a satisfying experience, and that the world may not be such a bad place after all. In short, I was beginning to change their attachment representations.
Not that it has all been smooth sailing! I vividly remember a worker from the local disability authority bringing an attachment-disordered lad to see me. She sat in our session and was exposed, perhaps for the first time, to focused and sustained acknowledgement of the lad's very negativistic view of all things. Whereas he warmed very quickly to the approach and spontaneously disclosed his heretofore very private (and deeply concerning) thoughts and feelings on a number of topics, she was horrified and sought to divert the session to a discussion of the lad's positive aspects. It occurred to me that if her approach worked there would have been no need to refer the lad to me. I already understood that you cannot convince a person about their positive attributes when the person does not believe their positive attributes to exist by simply telling them that they do. Any such attempt is easily dismissed by the attachment-disordered child and explains why they are typically unresponsive to praise. Rather, you need to make them feel positively about themselves first, and communicating understanding does just that. It also promotes verbal expression in the attachment-disordered child and reduces the likelihood of them acting out aspects of their inner world.
Oh, and I never saw the lad again.
Some time earlier I was on a home visit to a four-year-old child and his foster mother. I observed her to be a skilled and attentive caregiver. I observed him to be demanding and jealous of her attention being bestowed elsewhere. I heard about his intense separation anxiety and associated difficulties with settling to sleep in his own bed. It occurred to me that, no matter how diligently his foster mother responded to his requests and demands, he was not satisfied. Reflecting on his known history of neglect prior to his placement in foster care, it also occurred to me that he had never learnt that he could rely on adults in a caregiving role to understanding his needs and respond consistently to them. He was preoccupied with his needs and with controlling his caregiver in order to reassure himself that he could access needs provision. So how could we convince him that he did not have to be so preoccupied, so jealous and so demanding when his caregiver was forever responding to his demands for need provision? Well, I reflected on how an infant ordinarily learns this and concluded that his caregiver needed to anticipate his needs and respond to them before he did anything to make it so. When attachment-disordered children experience needs recognition and provision without doing anything to make it so, they begin to learn that they can rely on others and become less preoccupied with their needs.
Finally, although understanding and proactive caregiving are inherently soothing, it does not hurt to engage in direct measures to reduce an attachment-disordered child's propensity to feel overwhelmed. In caring for my own children as infants I observed the powerful effect of certain forms of classical music, played softly at bedtime, in facilitating a state of readiness to go to sleep. Certain research attributes to music a powerful role in promoting a state of calm readiness, whereupon we are more likely to perform at our best and less likely to feel overwhelmed by the challenges of the day. So how do we get the attachment-disordered child to listen to soothing classical music? The answer is to play it quietly in their bedroom while they sleep! They sleep more restfully, waken happier and better-tolerate the challenges of the day ahead.
Kamis, 14 September 2017
Learn Why Foster Caring For A Child Is So Rewarding
Fostering for children has been around for years and years now since centuries ago where kids would be out into foster care homes with people who were willing to take them in. Things haven't changed much as people still do run foster care homes with many foster children in them, however this isn't always the best for the children as they need an individual home where they are the child of two or one parents not one of the many foster children.
More parents need to come out and say that they will take care of the children as there are so many children in care and homes where they are unhappy. Parents often think that just because they have children of their own that they can't foster any children, this is totally untrue you can still bring in children to your home even when you already have children of your own, you may want to discuss this with your children first though as you won't want to cause any family disruptions.
There have been many occasions where families have adopted new foster children into their homes and the parents original children have felt unloved and unwanted, this isn't the case at all from the parents view but from the child's view it could look horrid. This is why you must always discuss matters with your children before adopting a foster child or children into your home.
Fostering a child can be one of the most rewarding things you'll ever do in your lifetime as you're giving a child another chance at life in a nice environment, and you're giving them a place to call home. Home is a place these foster children aren't used to and they haven't really had before for whatever reason. You must remember that all foster children come from different backgrounds and will have their own views on parents and people. It's up to you as their foster parents to make them understand life is good and how fun it can be, and that you love them as if they were your own. Quite often there will be a lot the foster children will want to say to you as they'll have had a lot of their chest for years. Depending on how old the children are that you foster you will learn how to deal with them and how to approach them, you can foster a child if you're over the age of 21, and the child will be from the age of 8 to 18.
If you want to foster a child and have thought it all through thoroughly then you should get in contact with the right fostering agency in the United Kingdom. You'll want to go with an agency that outlines the whole process for you and doesn't leave you in the dark at one point. Once you find this company you will be able to foster the right child for you and your home, and you'll be able to give them a second chance at living a fun fulfilled life.
More parents need to come out and say that they will take care of the children as there are so many children in care and homes where they are unhappy. Parents often think that just because they have children of their own that they can't foster any children, this is totally untrue you can still bring in children to your home even when you already have children of your own, you may want to discuss this with your children first though as you won't want to cause any family disruptions.
There have been many occasions where families have adopted new foster children into their homes and the parents original children have felt unloved and unwanted, this isn't the case at all from the parents view but from the child's view it could look horrid. This is why you must always discuss matters with your children before adopting a foster child or children into your home.
Fostering a child can be one of the most rewarding things you'll ever do in your lifetime as you're giving a child another chance at life in a nice environment, and you're giving them a place to call home. Home is a place these foster children aren't used to and they haven't really had before for whatever reason. You must remember that all foster children come from different backgrounds and will have their own views on parents and people. It's up to you as their foster parents to make them understand life is good and how fun it can be, and that you love them as if they were your own. Quite often there will be a lot the foster children will want to say to you as they'll have had a lot of their chest for years. Depending on how old the children are that you foster you will learn how to deal with them and how to approach them, you can foster a child if you're over the age of 21, and the child will be from the age of 8 to 18.
If you want to foster a child and have thought it all through thoroughly then you should get in contact with the right fostering agency in the United Kingdom. You'll want to go with an agency that outlines the whole process for you and doesn't leave you in the dark at one point. Once you find this company you will be able to foster the right child for you and your home, and you'll be able to give them a second chance at living a fun fulfilled life.
Rabu, 23 Agustus 2017
How Foster Care Makes a Difference for the Child and the Foster Parent
Hundreds of thousands of children are placed in foster care each year because of abuse, neglect, death or incarceration of a parent, or behavioral problems among many other sad situations. They need the time and effort of several committed adults in order to grow and thrive.
Though this may sound daunting, there are plenty of advantages for the child and the foster parent. Before considering fostering, one should consider all the ins and outs of the experience and make sure that everyone in the household is on board.
Beneficial for the Entire Family
Contrary to what many believe, foster care doesn't just benefit the child in need. Everyone in the household can grow and learn from the experience. There are plenty of quotes on "making a difference in a child's life" and they are all too true. Just knowing that one has made an impact has tremendous effects in the life of the foster parent.
Though it can be hard to let go, and this should be noted. Many foster parents are those who cannot have children of their own, so in a short-term situation after they've bonded with the child seeing them go can be heart-wrenching. It's something foster carers should keep in mind and be prepared for.
On the flip side, if the carers are looking to adopt, often times the agency will place a long-term child with them, knowing it could lead to adoption. Carers go through an extensive assessment in order to have the right child placed in their care.
Safe and Secure
For these kids, a stable and secure environment is just what they need to succeed. Being taken from their parents, family, friends and a home they were accustomed to is very rough for them. Because the goal is to reunite the child, the foster carer should be willing to provide what they need in the meantime. This includes physically and psychologically, preparing them for the next step, and understanding their situation.
Knowing that one has provided this, and helped not only the child but their parents and family to be reunited in love and understanding is a wonderful feeling.
Academic Benefits
In most cases, children who come from an unstable household are falling behind in school. When they enter a stable location, they have minimal worries and can focus on their education.
This is especially true when the foster carer has time to devote to homework and academic encouragement. Many children are very concerned with what's going on at home be it fighting, poverty or other drama that no child should have to face.
One benefit that is proven through foster care is that most children begin to succeed academically, and the time away can help them focus and get back in the game as far as school successes.
Consider Fostering
Regardless of one's reason for wanting to foster a child, they have a wealth of resources in order to research whether it'd be a good fit for their lifestyle. A child's well-being is not to be taken lightly, but if a person can offer a safe, warm and nurturing environment either short or long-term, then they can make a difference.
Though children are placed each day, there are thousands that are still in the system and waiting for someone to open their homes and hearts.
Though this may sound daunting, there are plenty of advantages for the child and the foster parent. Before considering fostering, one should consider all the ins and outs of the experience and make sure that everyone in the household is on board.
Beneficial for the Entire Family
Contrary to what many believe, foster care doesn't just benefit the child in need. Everyone in the household can grow and learn from the experience. There are plenty of quotes on "making a difference in a child's life" and they are all too true. Just knowing that one has made an impact has tremendous effects in the life of the foster parent.
Though it can be hard to let go, and this should be noted. Many foster parents are those who cannot have children of their own, so in a short-term situation after they've bonded with the child seeing them go can be heart-wrenching. It's something foster carers should keep in mind and be prepared for.
On the flip side, if the carers are looking to adopt, often times the agency will place a long-term child with them, knowing it could lead to adoption. Carers go through an extensive assessment in order to have the right child placed in their care.
Safe and Secure
For these kids, a stable and secure environment is just what they need to succeed. Being taken from their parents, family, friends and a home they were accustomed to is very rough for them. Because the goal is to reunite the child, the foster carer should be willing to provide what they need in the meantime. This includes physically and psychologically, preparing them for the next step, and understanding their situation.
Knowing that one has provided this, and helped not only the child but their parents and family to be reunited in love and understanding is a wonderful feeling.
Academic Benefits
In most cases, children who come from an unstable household are falling behind in school. When they enter a stable location, they have minimal worries and can focus on their education.
This is especially true when the foster carer has time to devote to homework and academic encouragement. Many children are very concerned with what's going on at home be it fighting, poverty or other drama that no child should have to face.
One benefit that is proven through foster care is that most children begin to succeed academically, and the time away can help them focus and get back in the game as far as school successes.
Consider Fostering
Regardless of one's reason for wanting to foster a child, they have a wealth of resources in order to research whether it'd be a good fit for their lifestyle. A child's well-being is not to be taken lightly, but if a person can offer a safe, warm and nurturing environment either short or long-term, then they can make a difference.
Though children are placed each day, there are thousands that are still in the system and waiting for someone to open their homes and hearts.
Selasa, 15 Agustus 2017
Foster Care - Alternative for Gay and Lesbian Couples
Finding proper foster parents for the many children living in state custody is an on-going battle. Some families are happy to take in foster children in the hopes they find a supportive environment until they are legally adopted. It takes a generous soul with a unique ability to overcome heart ache to offer a home of this sort. Other faster parents find they have grown so attached to their foster children that they adopt the children and remove themselves from the fostering system. Gay and lesbian couples didn't always have the "right" to open their homes to foster children, but growing concern about children growing up in orphanages and group homes has forced the foster care system to open the doors to gay and lesbian couples.
Why Were Gay Men and Lesbians Not Allowed to Foster Children?
The foster care system is based on the same laws as the United States government. As little as 10 years ago, gays and lesbians were allowed no legal rights as couples or as parents. Great advances have come in the last 5 years when experts started realizing the positive impact gay and lesbian couples could have on the lives of children who otherwise would be lost in group care for all of their young lives.
Gay and lesbian couples who wish to be parents have the option to apply as foster parents. They will have to undergo the same rigorous application process complete with home visits and references. Once approved, foster children will be assigned to the home and parents given a stipend to help cover care and expenses.
Foster care is not a permanent situation and children can be removed from foster care for a variety of reasons. If the foster parents no longer wish to care for the child, they can ask for reassignment. Other reasons a child may be removed from the home include personal wishes of the child or restoration of parental rights.
Some children stay in foster homes for many years without ever being adopted by the foster parents. Others remain in a foster home for years only to be pulled from the home by a biological parent leaving the fostering couple devastated at the loss of a child.
Gay and lesbian couples who wish to open their homes as foster parents need only apply at the local agency for approval. Some states are more respectful of gay and lesbian rights and others are not.
Why Were Gay Men and Lesbians Not Allowed to Foster Children?
The foster care system is based on the same laws as the United States government. As little as 10 years ago, gays and lesbians were allowed no legal rights as couples or as parents. Great advances have come in the last 5 years when experts started realizing the positive impact gay and lesbian couples could have on the lives of children who otherwise would be lost in group care for all of their young lives.
Gay and lesbian couples who wish to be parents have the option to apply as foster parents. They will have to undergo the same rigorous application process complete with home visits and references. Once approved, foster children will be assigned to the home and parents given a stipend to help cover care and expenses.
Foster care is not a permanent situation and children can be removed from foster care for a variety of reasons. If the foster parents no longer wish to care for the child, they can ask for reassignment. Other reasons a child may be removed from the home include personal wishes of the child or restoration of parental rights.
Some children stay in foster homes for many years without ever being adopted by the foster parents. Others remain in a foster home for years only to be pulled from the home by a biological parent leaving the fostering couple devastated at the loss of a child.
Gay and lesbian couples who wish to open their homes as foster parents need only apply at the local agency for approval. Some states are more respectful of gay and lesbian rights and others are not.
Rabu, 26 Juli 2017
What to Consider Before Becoming a Foster Parent For Abused and Neglected Children
An open heart
Most important for success, do you have an open heart? Are you able to give love? Are you willing to accept being pushed away when you are trying to offer love? Are you willing to love a child who at times seems to be supremely unlovable? In extreme cases, are you willing to hear the words, "I hate you!" and continue to love the child? Are you willing to wait for years before your investment in loving is appreciated? My foster mother told me it took a year before I would accept her hugs and two years before I would hug her. Among her friends she spoke of me as "My little ramrod." But she won me over with her love.
Knowledge
In my experience knowledge is the second most important requirement for successful fostering and adoption. Are you willing to inform yourself, to attend classes and seminars and read the literature on foster care and adoption, on abused and neglected children? My foster mother was an elementary school teacher with work in child psychology. She told me years later that she needed everything she had ever learned to help me.
This is my child
Will you be prepared to speak and act as mother (or father) of the child or children from the moment they enter your home? I and my three siblings had met the Luchs only once before we arrived at their residence two weeks later. Our new foster mother knelt down, put her arms around the four of us, and her first words were, "Mother is so happy you are here." A cousin was present and described that scene years later. "It was as if in that instant she suddenly became your mother. I'm sure the way she repeatedly spoke of herself as mother that afternoon and forever after made it easier for the four of you to begin to accept her as your mother."
Order in the house
Are you willing to establish schedules and programs and keep to them? The Luchs believed in the importance of predictable schedules and programs as one means of restoring physical health and fostering emotional security. Meal times, bed times, daily bath times, piano practice sessions, and when not in school, nap times, were fixed. There were few exceptions.
Are you willing to insist the children contribute to the household?
We participated in household chores from the beginning. Every four days was our day. On that day we were responsible for setting and clearing the table for the evening meal and, assisted by an adult, doing the evening dishes. We made our own beds daily and picked up our rooms. We took part in lawn care and major cleaning projects, usually family affairs on Saturdays. As we grew up, more was expected of us. The boys maintained a coal burning furnace and were primarily responsible for the cultivation of a rather large vegetable garden.
Boundaries and power struggles
Are you willing to establish and insist on the observance of firm boundaries and limits? Your foster children will test you again and again. You will need to choose your power struggles carefully because you cannot afford to lose them. You and your spouse must win. I remember one such struggle during which I was sent to bed from the family table without supper. I resolved to fast, drinking only water, and imagined the Luchs would soon be their knees begging me to return to the family table. They won. I returned 24 hours later on my own.
Save time and energy for yourselves
It was relatively easy for my adoptive parents to save time and energy for themselves because we were all in school (the two youngest for mornings only) within days of our arrival. They spent their mornings together, often collaborating on writing projects.
Because our adoptive father had had TB as a young man and then suffered from undulant fever contracted in the Middle East, the Luchs took daily naps. When we were not in school, we were also required to rest quietly during the early afternoon. I think that rest period was good for our health and know that it nourished my love of reading and learning.
Reasonable expectations
Are you willing to keep your expectations reasonable and flexible? The children may have talents you do not and you will likely have talents they do not. Do not expect them to fulfill your ambitions but do be alert to whatever gifts they have, and provide for the development of those gifts. When a school music teacher pointed out that the four of us had musical talent our adoptive parents did not, our parents immediately arranged for the four of us to begin piano lessons and tolerated the daily cacophony of forty fingers fumbling through "Teaching Little Fingers to Play." That early music training has so enriched our adult lives!
Community commitment
Are you willing to put up with gossip in the community? Some in our small town thought the Luchs could not afford to adopt four children and some were sure the adoption would not work. A few even feared we might murder the Luchs in their sleep.
Some other considerations:
1. Are you able to listen to a child, to learn from and pay attention to a child? Each child is unique which means that parenting yours will require careful listening and the tailoring of all programs to that child's specific needs.
2. Except for your spouse, are you willing to say and to act as though the children are Number One in your life?
3. Are you willing to make no promises to the children you can not keep? Abused and neglected children have heard too many false promises, which is a major reason they have difficulty trusting adults.
4. Can you identify and reach out for sources of support? You may wish to begin working with a professional counselor before the children arrive. My mother found support among her teacher colleagues.
5. Are you and your spouse willing to resolve your differences in a mature manner and especially to avoid raising your voices in argument in the presence of the children?
The big eight for successful fostering and adoption
In my experience the BIG EIGHT personal qualities for successful fostering and adoption are: compassion, empathy, commitment, and perseverance; a sense of humor, knowledge, common sense and wisdom. That's asking a lot but if you have most of what it takes and are prepared for the challenge, healing a wounded child is one of life's greatest adventures and most rewarding experiences.
Most important for success, do you have an open heart? Are you able to give love? Are you willing to accept being pushed away when you are trying to offer love? Are you willing to love a child who at times seems to be supremely unlovable? In extreme cases, are you willing to hear the words, "I hate you!" and continue to love the child? Are you willing to wait for years before your investment in loving is appreciated? My foster mother told me it took a year before I would accept her hugs and two years before I would hug her. Among her friends she spoke of me as "My little ramrod." But she won me over with her love.
Knowledge
In my experience knowledge is the second most important requirement for successful fostering and adoption. Are you willing to inform yourself, to attend classes and seminars and read the literature on foster care and adoption, on abused and neglected children? My foster mother was an elementary school teacher with work in child psychology. She told me years later that she needed everything she had ever learned to help me.
This is my child
Will you be prepared to speak and act as mother (or father) of the child or children from the moment they enter your home? I and my three siblings had met the Luchs only once before we arrived at their residence two weeks later. Our new foster mother knelt down, put her arms around the four of us, and her first words were, "Mother is so happy you are here." A cousin was present and described that scene years later. "It was as if in that instant she suddenly became your mother. I'm sure the way she repeatedly spoke of herself as mother that afternoon and forever after made it easier for the four of you to begin to accept her as your mother."
Order in the house
Are you willing to establish schedules and programs and keep to them? The Luchs believed in the importance of predictable schedules and programs as one means of restoring physical health and fostering emotional security. Meal times, bed times, daily bath times, piano practice sessions, and when not in school, nap times, were fixed. There were few exceptions.
Are you willing to insist the children contribute to the household?
We participated in household chores from the beginning. Every four days was our day. On that day we were responsible for setting and clearing the table for the evening meal and, assisted by an adult, doing the evening dishes. We made our own beds daily and picked up our rooms. We took part in lawn care and major cleaning projects, usually family affairs on Saturdays. As we grew up, more was expected of us. The boys maintained a coal burning furnace and were primarily responsible for the cultivation of a rather large vegetable garden.
Boundaries and power struggles
Are you willing to establish and insist on the observance of firm boundaries and limits? Your foster children will test you again and again. You will need to choose your power struggles carefully because you cannot afford to lose them. You and your spouse must win. I remember one such struggle during which I was sent to bed from the family table without supper. I resolved to fast, drinking only water, and imagined the Luchs would soon be their knees begging me to return to the family table. They won. I returned 24 hours later on my own.
Save time and energy for yourselves
It was relatively easy for my adoptive parents to save time and energy for themselves because we were all in school (the two youngest for mornings only) within days of our arrival. They spent their mornings together, often collaborating on writing projects.
Because our adoptive father had had TB as a young man and then suffered from undulant fever contracted in the Middle East, the Luchs took daily naps. When we were not in school, we were also required to rest quietly during the early afternoon. I think that rest period was good for our health and know that it nourished my love of reading and learning.
Reasonable expectations
Are you willing to keep your expectations reasonable and flexible? The children may have talents you do not and you will likely have talents they do not. Do not expect them to fulfill your ambitions but do be alert to whatever gifts they have, and provide for the development of those gifts. When a school music teacher pointed out that the four of us had musical talent our adoptive parents did not, our parents immediately arranged for the four of us to begin piano lessons and tolerated the daily cacophony of forty fingers fumbling through "Teaching Little Fingers to Play." That early music training has so enriched our adult lives!
Community commitment
Are you willing to put up with gossip in the community? Some in our small town thought the Luchs could not afford to adopt four children and some were sure the adoption would not work. A few even feared we might murder the Luchs in their sleep.
Some other considerations:
1. Are you able to listen to a child, to learn from and pay attention to a child? Each child is unique which means that parenting yours will require careful listening and the tailoring of all programs to that child's specific needs.
2. Except for your spouse, are you willing to say and to act as though the children are Number One in your life?
3. Are you willing to make no promises to the children you can not keep? Abused and neglected children have heard too many false promises, which is a major reason they have difficulty trusting adults.
4. Can you identify and reach out for sources of support? You may wish to begin working with a professional counselor before the children arrive. My mother found support among her teacher colleagues.
5. Are you and your spouse willing to resolve your differences in a mature manner and especially to avoid raising your voices in argument in the presence of the children?
The big eight for successful fostering and adoption
In my experience the BIG EIGHT personal qualities for successful fostering and adoption are: compassion, empathy, commitment, and perseverance; a sense of humor, knowledge, common sense and wisdom. That's asking a lot but if you have most of what it takes and are prepared for the challenge, healing a wounded child is one of life's greatest adventures and most rewarding experiences.
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